Life, Love, Marriage & Home
I don't know about all of you, but last month was incredibly hard, like seriously. Whether I was being tested with my health, my focus or my marriage- I just felt like I couldn't get a grip on anything no matter how hard I tried. There were a lot of tears, frustration and dumb arguments with my spouse. I felt a general lack of patience with where my life was taking me and I lacked inspiration to refocus because I was so accustomed to things not going well. I didn't feel positive, or even confident on where things were heading for me personally andI just knew I needed a reality check and a change.
I am not sure when or where it all hit me. Maybe it was the killer Lupus flareup I suffered that had me in bed for 3 days straight. Or maybe it was after I broke down in tears in front of my husband because I was so scared about a big employment decision and needed his support and reassurance that everything was going to be ok. Following my break down, I redshifted all of my focus and energy to God. I placed all of my frustration, my fear, my lack of focus and my negativity in the idea that only I could truly "fix" my situation. I had to take a deep look in myself and realize that I have all of the skills I need to succeed, to get through even the toughest times and come out on top. Ive been in dark places before and I have remained standing. So often, I feel like I forget how far I have come as a woman, as a mother and as a wife. My goal in the future is to be more mindful of all of my victories and tribulations along the way.
It was during this time of uncertainty and self reflection that I truly fell in love with my husband all over again. It was during our hardest times that I realized how truly resilient our relationship was. It was through the times when I felt Like I was broken, that I truly let him lead. All of the quiet moments when he just sat by my side without saying a word. All of the late night dinners he put together without ever looking my way for assistance. The constant encouragement he gave me when I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with my efforts in progression- he was more than just my husband, he was my friend again. Reflecting on how far our marriage has come in the last year gave me perspective and a path forward. Visualizing our goals and priorities helped to ground me in effort and self assurance.
One day, I woke up feeling refreshed. I felt focused and like every step forward was a giant leap in the right direction. I felt inspired by my home again, by my future and my family. I am grateful for this home we are building together and the foundation we are laying for our family. While no marriage is perfect- the moment I stopped feeling sorry for myself and actually started putting effort in progressing our life situation, things changed drastically.
We are tackling some pretty big projects in the house right now (more to come on that later) and going through some major life changes in the process. We are saving up for some major home purchases ( nothing on credit cards y'all- we save until we can pay cash) and doing major DIY work like I have never done it before. Within the last few weeks, my interior design business has been taking off here in Atlanta (I offer full design services for those of you who don't know) and my health has improved dramatically after being committed to taking preventive measures with my Lupus.
So while this post is not a cool DIY tutorial or something else home inspired- I find it important to keep it real and transparent on where life is for me right now.
Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement. Your IG messages and comments do NOT go unnoticed and I truly appreciate all of you.