There is No Such Thing as Balance- I Call Bullshit
Shocking right. How could I ever offend the self-care Gods of Instagram and debunk the famous ideal of balance as a woman, balance as a mother, balance as a wife or an employee or an entrepreneur. I feel the clouds opening and lightening striking me now.
I know it may sound pessimistic, but its true. I have spent my entire Summer thinking about it, wishing for it and writing about it all the while being unable to attain it. Its not that we as women do not understand what balance means, hell we may even be able to put it all into words and offer helpful suggestions on how to achieve it, but actually CONSISTENTLY achieving it, thats another story,
We all know that we SHOULD wake up by 5:30am, have a killer outfit (pre-picked out btw) for work, eat a healthy breakfast, read and meditate (all before 7am mind you), have a totally productive day in the office, work on our side hustles, have dinner pre-planned (has to be healthy and IG worthy of course), read a book within 3 weeks, have consistent sex with our partners and be ASLEEP by 10. Oh and in the mix of all that, we need to workout and also check on our friends and family, because well, we can't be totally self-absorbed.
EXHAUSTING right??? Just typing all of that made me have a mini freakout in my head.
Of course, we can't forget the pressure that social media adds to the mix. How dare you eat a Chick-fil-a sandwich for lunch when you are supposed to be #KETOWORTHY? (GASP) How could you forget to put on your Fenty eyeshadow for work when you know that you need to take a million selfies just to show that you are #killingit ? Now, don't get sweaty at the gym, thats just plain gross right (GAG me now)?. I am being totally sarcastic here, but I know we have all felt the pressure to be ON 100% of the time. How in the world do "they" accomplish it all and not fall apart? How can I be expected to practice self-care when I can't even find a minute to sit in thoughts that are actually MINE? Why is it that when I go to Instagram and like all of the photos of girls who are #killingit I feel inadequate, not inspired?
IM CALLING BULLSHIT LADIES. It is never easy, it is never perfect. And while schedules and lists and planning helps, execution is not linear. My #killingit should not ever be the same as yours. My version of a productive day should never mirror the day of someone else because we are all UNIQUE.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for bettering yourself and hustling. I truly believe that NOTHING good in life is handed to you and anything that is hard is worth working for. I just wish we could ALL grant ourselves a little grace and acceptance while we are in the process of finding this magical sense of BALANCE and SELF-CARE that we are all striving for. Is is possible to hustle and grind while still taking care of yourself? Is it possible to grant ourselves rest and recovery when we are feeling empty? Can we be ok with feeling "balanced" only a few days a week and is that enough to sustain us? I do not have all of the answers.
Maybe while in the pursuit of BALANCE we ALL learn to find GRACE. Grace to accept when FENTY eye shadow just isn't going to make the cut for work at 8am. Or hell, grace for when you can't make it to work at all because you are so damn exhausted from a teething toddler and a pile full of laundry thats taller than you are. Its time to start accepting where we are RIGHT now so we can all develop a plan to move forward. If we as women do not learn to start exercising bit of grace, acceptance and honesty with ourselves we will begin to invite feelings of resentment in. When we feel resentment, we cannot truly feel disciplined and we cannot execute. When we constantly hold ourselves to these perfect expectations that are nearly impossible to constantly meet, we feel discouraged and depressed when we fall short.
My dad once told me something that has stuck with me my entire life. I will preface this by saying you need to know my dad to really understand the irony and humor in this statement, but I digress. My dad said "I can't give you nothing if I'm butt naked." Before you go jumping the gun thinking my dad is a psycho, he is referring to the theory of "glass half empty." You cannot pour into anyone else glass if YOURS IS EMPTY. While its easy to blame everyone else for your empty glass, the only person who is the constant in that scenario is YOU. You are responsible for filling up your own cup. You are responsible for checking when your inventory is low and your cup is about to run out. It starts and stops with YOU and only you.
While I love my husband and I love my children, it is not their responsibility to make sure the Niekiha cup is full and plenty, it is my job.
As I am sitting here drinking my Grandma's Sangria (amazing amazing wine BTW, I linked it here,you have to try it), I feel a tad more focused and pleasant about the rest of my week. I am ready to start pouring into my own glass (literally and figuratively). I am ready to just live my day openly and by taking one single step forward every chance I get. I feel hopeful about the things I WILL accomplish and I am considering all of the ways I can grant myself grace instead of resentment.
I am here for all of you! Lets choose the REAL VERSION SELF-CARE together. I #challenge you, jk. :)